For the sake of keeping people’s identity private we will call him Hell.
I write this only knowing what I knew at the time. Later entries will update the information on what I found out at that time.
In year 2 of dating Hell I learned some more things about his past. He was the high school drug dealer, him and his child’s mother never finished high school, he partied a lot, he has a crazy ex who is a raging alcoholic that he used to get into physical fights with, his best friend is waiting for his trail to find out how long he is going to prison for, the mother of his child is not a very involved mother and many more.
1. Hell explained to me he had his partying and drug days in high school. He had gotten over that stage and now has a good life. He explained to me he made amazing money from selling drugs, ended up with lots of girls, and just did lots of crazy stuff. Being someone who didn’t do any of those things I thought it was interesting to be with someone who had a lot of stories to tell.
2. I learned some background on his ex girlfriends including the mother of his child. The mother of his child has a really good job a couple of hours away. For the first year of our relationship I actually didn’t know she was involved with the child’s life because she never took him. She finally came around and was actually very nice. She’s very quiet and submissive (similar to my personality). Hell explained how he gained primary residence of his child. His ex was a Jehovah Witness and left when she was a teenager, so ultimately she was disowned by her family. When her and Hell split up after having their child they went to court to figure out the arrangement they would need. He informed me -very proudly- that he went to all the lawyers in the area so that she would have to go to a lawyer out of town which would cost her much more for travel. Her being on her own with no family and not much help she eventually ran out of money to continue paying a lawyer, leaving her with no other choice but to give Hell what he wanted.
3. His other long term ex girlfriend was a raging alcoholic. She would get really upset and break things throughout the house. Every door in his house had a hole in it. Hell had videos of her having breakdowns and smashing dishes. He told me that they would get into physical fights and he had to smash her head into a wall. Another red flag that I didn’t see because I was convinced it was her fault and no one else’s. From what he explained it sounded like this happened quite often.
4. Hells best friend used to serve in the military. He came back with PTSD. Shortly after returning he ended up shooting up his home, a dealership and beating up many people. You would never know meeting this man that he would have done something like this. In the first and second year of being with Hell his friend was looking at approximately 3 years.
Year 1 leading into year 2 (also year 3) we did some farm work. We grew garlic. It was a very fun experience that I loved doing. I learned many things about how to grow your own food. It gives you a whole new appreciation for farmers.
**at this point in time I was still being asked if I was cheating and my phone was being checked all the time. He still brought up about how I cheated and all his friends knew about it and thought I was a cheater. I still didn’t think anything of it because I felt so guilty.
Before our 1 year mark I wanted to get a dog. I did research on every breed there was. I didn’t want anything too big or too small. A dog that didn’t require an excessive amount of grooming, and a dog that was a healthy breed overall. I found the perfect breed – a Brittany spaniel. When I ran this by Hell he brought up the idea of getting a male and female so that I could breed them and make some money on the side. We decided to get 3 dogs (all different bloodlines).
Our trip to get our dogs was an 18 hour trip to Wisconsin. I paid an average of $800 per puppy. When we were crossing back to Canada Hell decided we would lie about the price we paid for the puppies for tax purposes (I was, once again, ignorant to the topic). We ended up getting red flags on our passports for lying about what we paid.
Shortly after our 1 year mark Hell and I found out I was pregnant. I was upset at first because he told me he couldn’t have kids. He shrugged it off as if it was no big deal. About a week after finding out I was pregnant Hell started getting relocated all over southern Ontario for his job, leaving me to take care of his son. We grew a bond and I considered him my own. I would drive him every other weekend to meet his mom and meet him again to pick him up.
At this point I was working in a factory so the job was a standard 7-430 shift. I had to ask for shortened shifts so I could get my step son on and off the school bus. My step sons grandmother helped me a lot of the time to take care of him while Hell worked away. On the weekends Hell and I would meet up at the family farm which was 3 hours away. At the family farm we would work on our garlic. Hell made it very clear that I was needed out in the field and I was made to feel guilty if I wasn’t. I was very pregnant working out in the fields.
Later in the year (October to be exact) I had my first child. A beautiful baby boy. I had to call Hell to get him to drive 6+ hours to come for the birth of the baby. He made me reassure him several times that I was indeed having the baby that day so he didn’t waste his time driving there. Hell stayed home for the Thanks Giving weekend and then returned back to work. At only 5 days old I strapped my newborn onto my chest and went back to work in the field to do some more garlic work.
I understood that Hell had to go where the work was but there was no effort to get relocated closer to home to be near his children more. It was about money at that point and I was convinced it was the best thing. I really enjoyed every moment with my baby. It’s true what they say … it goes by so quick.
Hell and I made the decision that it made sense for me to be a stay at home mom. After the year of maternity leave I made the call to my employer to inform them I wouldn’t be returning. My stay at home job began there.
At this point in this story you can probably tell who ran the relationship and who knew how to manipulate situations.
My life 